Response to Susan on FB. (10 Minute Read)

 To Susan on Facebook, who felt it was her job to publicly scold Christy. Since you feel it is okay to scold another woman in a public forum, allow me to do the same.

First off, your condescending tone throughout this entire post is really quite sad. You felt it was okay for you to scold another woman, because she does not agree with you. I read both yours and Christy’s postings, while your post was filled with scathing remarks, Christy’s post was heartfelt and real. I, along with a fair amount of other women did not get the impression that Christy thinks she has “everything, and if you don’t it’s your own fault, and marching won’t fix that for you.” However, Christy has a point. What is marching in the manner you presented really going to accomplish? Besides making a mockery of women who do not agree with your perspective of the world. I mean who are we kidding? Do you people really think that wandering around with a vagina around your head screams take me seriously? What about the signs that were carried? If you are offended by men, in particular President Trump, and their words then you should be equally outraged by the words written on those signs and the words spoken by the celebrities.  But, I forgot there are two different rules for democrats and republicans.

Susan, you start out by saying that you are going to make assumptions, which you shouldn’t have done in the first place. Your act of listing all of the things you have, (safe neighborhood, trees, breakfast, delivered groceries etc) kind of sounds like you are bragging. Some of us feel it necessary to show everything they have, while others do not. But that’s a topic for a different day. The descriptions of your life you presented to everyone sounds like something out of The Great Gatsby, the new money vs old money theme ran rampant in your descriptions.

You then ask Christy “When was the last time you had a meaningful conversation with a woman whose life isn’t pretty much like yours?” Quite frankly, that is a bit rude. You have no idea what goes on in other people’s lives. I’m not going to sit here and make assumptions about your life, just as you shouldn’t do with Christy’s life, or anyone else’s.

The utter disdain you show throughout this whole post is despicable. Your statement “That’s a clever opener to get a boost from the girlfriends who might be on the edge of feeling the way you do, and were waiting for someone to say it so they could agree with you. It’s like saying, “I know I’m fat and ugly,” so your friends will rush to your side to reassure you that you’re not.” Again, that’s a bit rude. Isn’t that sort of what you are doing? Looking for people to agree with you, so you can tear down those who don’t? What you’re accusing Christy of doing, is the same thing that you are doing. Your assumption that Christy, or the rest of us who don’t agree with you, “have no idea what it feels like to not be heard.” Well, do you have any idea what it’s like to not be heard? Your assumptions disparage the very people that you claim to be marching for.

Again, you go on to brag about how all of your medical needs are fully covered. As great as that is for you, had you stopped to think about the women you’re scolding, and that maybe we don’t all have the same medical coverage you do. I for one, am a young, educated, Catholic white woman, who actually isn’t as lucky as you say you are. Not everything I need is covered by medical insurance, and I know a whole lot more people who have no insurance, and they are who need it the most. But hey, that’s just how insurance works. Some things are covered, while others are not. Why is it that your IUD be free while someone’s insulin medication isn’t? Why should reproductive care be free, while other essential needs should be paid for? I don’t see why anyone can be okay with having to pay for someone else’s birth control pills and someone else’s abortion.

Susan, you ask Christy if she has ever been sexually assaulted. As a woman myself, one who has never met Christy, or you for that matter, I find that question beyond offensive. You have no idea what goes on in another person’s life. Let’s say Christy had answered no to all of your questions, does that mean she may not know of anyone who has been assaulted or felt unsafe, or that her opinion on such things just shouldn’t matter? I know quite a few people who have been sexually assaulted, and who have felt unsafe around someone. For you to “assume” that Christy or others have never known someone, or even been that someone is repulsive really. Unlike you, I’m not going to make assumptions that you may or may not know any victims of sexual violence, because frankly it’s really none of my business, and it certainly is not your business to ask someone else those questions. However, I do know women who have been victims. So, for you to just automatically assume that those who don’t agree with you have never known a woman in need, is just wrong.

Even if there is someone who is lucky enough to not know women who have been victims, you never know when that one woman could in fact be the victim herself. For you to end that paragraph by saying “It’s really something you should care about and you need to understand that this is in your bubble, even if you don’t know it.” Again, you don’t know what a person cares or doesn’t care about. Even if someone does not care about something you are passionate about, that still does not give you the right to throw that in their faces.

For you to say that you are fortunate enough to have a job, well so am I. Everyone is born into this country with the same rights, and the same opportunities. It’s really about how you choose to use those things. Rights and opportunities know no color, no gender, no sexual orientation, nothing. You also make it sound like it is a bad thing that some of us have jobs, and some of us don’t. Again, it is all in the way you choose to live your life. If I work my ass off to get where I think I need to be, and the person next to me thinks that they should just be handed everything on a silver platter and not have to work for anything, well I simply do not feel bad for that person. It’s the same thing as forcing me to pay for your birth control, well who’s to say that I may or may not have wanted that money to go towards something else, like an epipen, or new medical equipment?

The fact that my tax dollars that come from money that I worked hard to earn, are being given to places like Planned Parenthood, to supply people with free birth control, can cause some irritation. Here’s just one thought, why is it that forcing me to pay for your birth control, when you don’t have a job, and are struggling to put food on your table fair to me? The fact that birth control is really the most important thing for some people, is just sad. Don’t expect me to pay for your contraceptive, and then turn around and tell me you don’t have a job. That just doesn’t make any sense.

Basically, I am working, and my money is being given to people so they can have recreational sex, instead of working to maybe, get a job, or trying to get an education. Everyone has the right to an education, it’s all about how you use those rights.

Again, you ask if Christy knows anybody who struggles to get to work, or wants to work but can’t, my question would be, well do you? I do, I have worked with women who are living paycheck to paycheck, and I know women who struggle to get food on the table, I know women who are constantly thinking about how they are going to pay their rent. But the thing is, these women are doing something about it, they are working hard to find jobs, they are bettering their skills, or going back to school so they can find a higher paying job. They do not sit around and dwell on the fact that they can’t, and they certainly don’t complain to others about the situations that they are in, when they aren’t really doing anything to help themselves. Instead, they work hard, they do whatever it is they can do so that their child does have food and clothes, and that they can pay their rent. I will not feel bad for having a job, I will not feel bad for working hard, and I don’t think you or Christy should either. If you do feel bad, why not extend a hand? Offer advice? My point is, where you say “you can go out and get a job if you want.” well those other women can too. It’s all about how you use what you are given.

Take my father for example, most people would look at him and think “wow he probably had a great life.” Well he has a great life now because of how he used his opportunities when he was growing up. He worked three very unglamorous jobs, so that he could pay his own way through parochial school, he worked hard for his high school education, he used the resources in front of him (which at the time, were few and far between). He graduated, and then went to proudly serve his country in the United States Air Force. He left the Air Force after 16 years, made the choice to go back to school, and now he works for a huge company serving as a director.  He had the same opportunities as everyone else did, he chose to use them in a way that would benefit the country he so deeply loves, and then his family.

You talk about voting, and list all of the different types of people you met on Election Day, that’s great that you were so kind to all the different types of people, from all different walks of life. As devastating as not being able to cast their vote might have been, I only have one thing to say about that: that’s just life, and those are the rules, and those are what we follow. We can’t bend the rules or feel bad for everyone that was unable to cast their vote. That’s just how it goes, unfortunate as ever, that’s just life, which as we all know, is simply not fair.

Which leads me into your next paragraph. I believe everyone deserves the right to be heard. However, again, you assume that Christy has never been in any of those positions before. You talk about how when people pass judgments on social media, and say when someone has made poor life decisions, but isn’t that what you are doing right now? Passing judgments on a person whom you have never met, and never had a conversation with and attacking them online because they disagree.

Susan, you mention you were raised in a place of encouragement, were nurtured, and that you guess Christy was too and that you both take that for granted. Again, you don’t know how someone was raised, or what they take for granted, all your basing this off of is someone’s heartfelt words, and how they act on social media. Your statement about the bubble that you and the bubble that you assume Christy lives in, is a nicer bubble than everyone else’s, which again, you simply do not know. Have you ever stopped and thought about the people who you believe have nice lives, could actually be the people that are hurting the most. I often find that those who struggle the most put on a brave front for those around them. What about the woman you think has everything, but really she fears for her life behind closed doors? Or the woman who has had countless miscarriages, but puts on a brave face for her friends and family? I question why you, and all of the other marchers are talking about sexual assault as if that only happens under Republican control? Where was all of this outrage when Obama was president? Is this new? Or was it that women did not have to march against sexual assault because the Democrats were in charge? Perhaps if this was a unified march about sexual assault more women would have joined in. But instead, it was laced with caustic language, classless celebrities (many of who have not only objectified themselves, but women in general), vitriolic hyperbole and thousands of women who can’t even articulate why they were marching in the first place.

My best friend, one of the strongest young ladies I have ever met. Her life, is far from perfect. While from the outside looking in, you could say it is because she is a beautiful young woman who goes to college and has a nice job. But if you stopped and talked to her for just a minute, you could see she finds herself struggling often. She does not have a house that she can call her own, she does not have parents who gave her everything, she does not have a car, but she also does not sit and dwell on all those things that she doesn’t have. The countless times she has had to ask for rides to and from somewhere, asking to be picked up at a local shopping center because it’s raining and she missed the bus, she doesn’t dwell on those negative moments, instead she is thankful for what she does have, she’s not afraid to ask for help when she needs it the most.

Your statement “if you aren’t surrounded by people who tell you what’s possible, it’s easy to think it’s not your reality.” comes off as demeaning. I was taught from a young age to always help someone when they need help, even when they don’t ask for it. Even if that means waking up two hours earlier than I normally would so I can go pick up my best friend so she won’t be late for her final exam. So for you to assume that it’s possible to forget these things just because we don’t live them, doesn’t quite make sense.
My advice to the women in shoes like hers, ask for help, get an education, and work to make a better life for yourself and be thankful for what you do have.

You mention the women in other countries, and how you ache for their oppression, to which I just have one question: What exactly is marching and carrying vulgar signs, and wearing pink hats going to fix? It’s almost as if this whole thing was a just a competition to see who could say that they cared the most about women, and their rights. Which I believe defeats your entire purpose for marching. The Gospel of Matthew 6:1-34 comes to mind, it reads “Beware of practicing your righteousness before other people in order to be seen by them, for then you will have no reward from your Father who is in heaven. “Thus, when you give to the needy, sound no trumpet before you, as the hypocrites do in the synagogues and in the streets, that they may be praised by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you give to the needy, do not let your left hand know what your right hand is doing, so that your giving may be in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you. “And when you pray, you must not be like the hypocrites. For they love to stand and pray in the synagogues and at the street corners, that they may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward.” If that is too long to read, I’ll summarize it, it is basically saying don’t just do things to warrant attention and praise, if you are going to do something, do it not for the attention, but for the satisfaction of knowing you did something good. I’m just not sure how marching around D.C. really helped the impoverished, and abused women you speak of in Pakistan, Mali, and Guatemala.

Susan, while I think it is wonderful you are so passionate about these subjects, I also think that reprimanding someone because they did not march, and because they don’t agree with you is just wrong. Again, I’m just wondering what your actual march did? Was it done to attract attention? Was the money that was raised or donated given to a certain cause? Being as there are women like Christy and myself who did not march, we feel attacked by those who did. We were attacked on the basis that we do not agree. Take the pro-life example, it was made extremely clear that those who believe that every life has rights, even the unborn, were not invited to participate in your march. How can you say this march was about solidarity and about unity when it was spent tearing down those who disagree?

You list a bunch of reasons as to why you marched, however I am still not seeing what this got accomplished. What you marched for are rights that every woman already has. Every woman has the right to a job, every woman has the right to an education, every woman has the right to defend herself, every woman has the right to make her voice heard, and especially every woman has the right to life, which is something I feel was lost during this march. The women who do not believe in abortion have been attacked on social media for the past seventy two hours, and that is just not right. I certainly do not, nor would I ever attack someone so harshly because they have a different opinion. I would never tell a woman that she is not a real woman simply because she believes that taking a life is wrong. While you marched for the women who didn’t go to college, who can’t drive, or who became pregnant at a young age, who marched for the women who did go to college, did get an education, and don’t believe in abortion? Or how about the women who take it upon themselves to protect their families with firearms, and who are not afraid to stand on the outside and say when something isn’t right?

Who marched for us, we are all still women even if we don’t agree. I am still a woman even though I don’t call myself, nor will I ever call myself a feminist. If being a feminist is the only thing that validates being a woman, then that is something I can’t be associated with. Just because I call myself a Conservative woman who believes in what I believe in, makes me no less of a female than you calling yourself a Liberal female who believes what she believes in.

My final questions are as follows: Why is it that you think marching while carrying vulgar signs and using worse language than President Trump, was the only way to show solidarity or unity? What rights do you think our President is going to take away? How could you call this a march of unity, while simultaneously preying on and attacking those who don’t agree with you? Lastly, why did you feel it necessary to attack Christy on social media? Was it because she is a Christian Conservative woman who believes in the Second Amendment, and the right to life? Or was it simply because those who disagree are somehow lesser than you, or was it because in order for you to feel secure with yourself, you have to attack others?

It’s rather hard to believe that a march that was supposed to be about women, and their rights turned into a war between women. This march did not represent me but not for the reasons you claim or “assume”, rather. I look up to strong, principled women, women who have achieved greatness not because of what they are born with, but because of what they overcame. I look up to women who are dignified, who keep their clothes on (especially while marching), and who respect other women no matter what their opinions are. Women like my mother, my grandmother, my best friend, and my cousin, these women are true role models. Ones who demonstrate leadership, grace, and eloquence.

That march had zero to do with women and women’s rights. Instead it was filled with women who are upset that their candidate lost.  

Xoxo,

M

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